Caroline Goldsmith | ATC Ireland Psychologist: Understanding the Inner World of Neurodivergent Children

Caroline Goldsmith | ATC Ireland Psychologist: Understanding the Inner World of Neurodivergent Children

Blog Article

Self-esteem is the emotional bedrock of a child’s well-being. It shapes how they view themselves, how they interact with others, and how they respond to success and failure. Caroline Goldsmith, a renowned psychologist at ATC Ireland, believes that fostering healthy self-esteem in children is one of the most important gifts we can give them — and it starts with the way we communicate, guide, and support their growth from an early age.

In this blog, Caroline shares the science and strategies behind raising confident, emotionally resilient children who believe in themselves.

What Is Self-Esteem, Really?

Self-esteem is a child’s internal sense of worth — how much they like themselves, believe in their abilities, and feel capable of handling life’s challenges. It’s shaped by their environment, relationships, and personal experiences.

Healthy self-esteem helps children to:

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  Feel secure and accepted

  
  


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  Try new things without fear of failure

  
  


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  Stand up for themselves appropriately

  
  


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  Cope better with setbacks and criticism

  
  


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  Build strong, positive relationships

  
  

Children with low self-esteem often struggle with:

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  Negative self-talk

  
  


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  Social anxiety

  
  


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  Avoidance of new challenges

  
  


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  Sensitivity to failure or criticism

  
  


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  Feelings of not being “good enough”

  
  

1. Celebrate Effort, Not Just Achievement

Caroline Goldsmith encourages parents and teachers to focus praise on effort, persistence, and growth, rather than only outcomes.

Say:

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  “I’m proud of how hard you worked on that.”

  
  


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  “You didn’t give up — that shows real strength.”

  
  


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  “You tried something new, and that’s brave.”

  
  

This builds a growth mindset, where children believe their abilities can improve through practice and persistence.

2. Give Children Opportunities to Succeed

Self-esteem grows through experiences of mastery and success. Let children take on small challenges they can realistically achieve, then gradually increase responsibility.

Examples include:

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  Pouring their own cereal

  
  


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  Getting dressed independently

  
  


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  Helping with simple chores

  
  


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  Completing school projects on their own

  
  

Success builds confidence. But so does learning to bounce back after failure — with support and encouragement.

3. Listen Actively and Respectfully

Caroline Goldsmith emphasizes the importance of making children feel heard. When a child shares a thought or feeling, stop, listen, and show you care.

Avoid interrupting or dismissing their concerns. Instead:

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  Make eye contact

  
  


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  Reflect back what you hear

  
  


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  Ask open-ended questions

  
  


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  Avoid minimizing their emotions

  
  

When children feel understood, they feel valued.

4. Avoid Overpraising or Labels

Constantly telling a child they are “amazing” or “the best” can lead to unrealistic self-perception and pressure to always succeed.

Instead of “You’re so smart,” try:

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  “You really thought that through.”

  
  


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  “You came up with a clever solution.”

  
  

Avoid labeling children with terms like “shy,” “bossy,” or “naughty,” as these can become self-fulfilling beliefs. Describe behaviors, not identities.

5. Encourage Independence and Problem-Solving

Let children solve age-appropriate problems without jumping in too quickly. This helps them trust themselves and builds a sense of agency.

For example:

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  Let them resolve small peer conflicts

  
  


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  Encourage them to try tying their shoes, even if it takes longer

  
  


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  Ask, “What do you think we could do about this?” when they face a problem

  
  

6. Model Healthy Self-Esteem

Children absorb how we treat ourselves. If you constantly self-criticize or express doubt in your abilities, they learn to do the same.

Model phrases like:

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  “That was tough, but I know I can try again.”

  
  


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  “I’m proud of how I handled that.”

  
  


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  “I made a mistake, and I’ll learn from it.”

  
  

Your confidence and compassion for yourself become their internal voice.

7. Create a Safe, Loving Environment

Unconditional love — not based on behavior or achievement — is the foundation of self-esteem. Caroline reminds us to let children know they are loved, even when they struggle or make mistakes.

Try:

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  Hugging and using gentle physical affection

  
  


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  Saying “I love you” often and unconditionally

  
  


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  Offering a calm presence during emotional moments

  
  

Children who feel safe and accepted are more likely to take risks, try new things, and recover from setbacks.

Final Thoughts

Caroline Goldsmith reminds us that self-esteem isn’t built in a single moment — it’s shaped every day through small, consistent experiences of being seen, valued, and supported. When we nurture a child’s inner voice to be kind, confident, and resilient, we equip them to navigate life’s challenges with strength and self-assurance.

By focusing on effort, listening with empathy, encouraging independence, and modeling self-love, we help children grow into emotionally strong individuals who believe in their own worth — no matter what.